Who Do You Love? #1 - It's Easy Being Green

Isn't it about time there was a new podcast on the JediCole Podcasting Network?  Of course it is!  And to help fulfill that need I offer you Who Do You Love?


So what exactly is this latest podcast all about?  Who Do You Love? is a one one one interview format show in which various fans talk about one of their favorite things.  It can be a movie, a comic book series or character, a writer or director, a science fiction novel, a film, or even a favorite series of collectibles!  But just who are the fans featured on this show?  Why any fan who wishes to do so!  All you have to do is drop me a line at jedicole@yahoo.com with "Who Do I Love?" as the subject line to tell me your singular favorite topic you can talk about at length.  I will get in touch with you to arrange the interview and you will be on an upcoming episode of the show!


For the premiere episode I invited my United States of Geekdom colleague and Half-Ass Roundtable co-host Andrew Farmer on the show.  It is fairly well known that Andy has a long-time love of Green Lantern in all incarnations.  But what makes that love tick?  How did it start and was it love at first sight?  Andy sat down with me recently to discuss all things Green Lantern and you can listen to that discussion in the form of Who Do You Love? #1 right here!

What Would Comic Book Villains Do? (WWCBVD?) Week 6

It is time yet again to delve into the dark underbelly of the caped and cowled super beings.  Yes, the terrible world of the super-villain.  In order to better understand their evil order we will pose simple moral questions to them and take what we can from their responses. 

Scenario:  You are at your weekly poker game with three friends.  Everyone is drinking and having a good time, talking about the past week and what they are up to these days.  Your friends confide in you that they have been making good money “running errands” for a local gangster.  They drunkenly let details drop about a big heist they have planned to impress their new boss.  Throughout the card game almost every detail is about the time and place of the crime is recklessly imparted to you.  What do you do?

Rama Tut: After I have determined what possessed me to play this strange game you call Poh Kurr I would formulate a plan to use my dominion over time to play a game that is truly fun.  Perhaps I would transport the lot of them to ancient Egypt, I got my start there you know, just to mess with their minds.  Nothing is quite so much fun as watching displaced souls wandering through the plaza of a city like Memphis or Hieranknopolis.  Lost in another country and another time with all of their vaunted modern conveniences lost to them.  Or perhaps I might just push them forward in time to the day after they planned their heist.  This is always a good one if the day of the operation is as crutial as the time of day.  If not a full day into the future, even just an hour or so can throw off a well laid plan.  I am really starting to like this Poh Kurr game after all!    


Magpie: Gimmie, gimmie, gimmie, gimmie!  I don’t care what they plan to steal, I want in on it!  I love to steal.  Anything, everything!  I will steal what they steal from them if I can!  I have three storage buildings in town with nothing in them but things I stole that I can’t remember why I took them.  So why wouldn’t I want to be in on their big score.  It doesn’t matter to me if it is money or jewelry, guns or furs, baby bottles or boa constrictors, I want to steal it all!


Batroc: Unless zee heist they plan involves leaping I really don’t care what they are up to.  I have far too many schemes of my own involving zee Avengairs or Capeetan America after all!  And all of my plans naturally involve leaping.  It’z what I do!  It is what I’ve done for zee last 30 years!  Leaping about!  And on zat note, do you know what really pizzez me off?  Zoze young punks you see zees days leaping and hopping from one building to zee next.  Zeir so-called parkour!  Zey act like zey invented leaping or zomething! 


Shade: Anywhere else in the world, with the possible exception of Paris (and then incumbent on my mood), their actions would be of little consequence to me.  After all, absent villainy would there be need of heroics?  Now if this were in Opal City that would be quite a different matter indeed.  In such a case I would take it upon myself to teleport into their midst and exact terrible retribution upon them with my shadow demons.  This may garner me some considerable scrutiny on the part of the O’Dares, but it is of little consequence.  My Opal would be rid of a threat to her purity and would have a compelling new entry for my journal.  And a good excuse to indulge in little absinthe afterwards. 


Arnim Zola:  Well that certainly all depends on what they are planning to steal.  If they have an angle on some high tech merchandise – something publicly known from Stark or perhaps clandestine weaponry from A.I.M. – then I would arrange to get to that coveted technology before them.  I would love to get my hands on some Stark or A.I.M. stuff!  Do you have any idea how hard it is to obtain?  Nobody can get near it!  The closest I have ever come was picking up a stray neutron ray blaster that the Defenders missed when they cleaned out an A.I.M. compound near Los Angeles.  Hercules, the big oaf, had tossed a guard so high that he landed on the other side of the fence and his blaster was still laying in the vacant lot nearby the next morning!  Yeah, I like going out to survey the aftermath of super-hero battles, so what?  It’s called “beachcombing” and you never know what you might find.  I have a genuine Spider-Man web-shooter cartridge I found after he fought the Juggernaut!  What do you have?


Green Hornet: I would endear myself to them, see if I can get “in”.  I am always enthusiastic when it comes to the criminal enterprises of others.  I like to get in the middle of things.  Find out who’s who, work my way up the chain to meet the boss.  It is best to know all of the players when you are counted among them I always say.  I sure hate it when the cops come muscling in on things and break up the whole gang top to bottom, though!  Then I have to drive around with my partner and find some new bunch of crooks to hang out with!

What Would Comic Book Villains Do? (WWCBVD?) Week 5

Nasty.  Nefarious.  Naughty. 

Just a few words used to describe those who embrace or indeed embody evil.  They are the super villains of comics, the requisite “bad guys”.  They are the arch-nemesis, the evil twins, the players on the other side.  And yet how often do we seek their opinions on issues?  Largely this is a matter of personal safety that we spurn them, but when you take the time to pose a pertinent question to such villainous types, you learn a lot about them you might never know otherwise.


Scenario:  You answer the phone in the middle of the night to the sound of a frantic voice.  It is an old friend you have not seen in several months and he begs you to meet him at a secluded corner in town.  Concerned, you agree to his request and find him looking disheveled and terrified.  Looking unnerved he begs you to hide a gun for him until the heat is off and he can take it off your hands.  What do you do?


Hammerhead: Wow, this sure brings back memories!  I remember the first time I needed to hide a gun!  I called my cousin Saulie in the Bronx because he was the only person I thought I could trust.  I was so panicked!  He told me to forget about it, there was no gun.  Saulie took good care of me, you see.  Funny thing, ten years later that gun winds up being used in a robbery.  The guy gets caught and, get this, he winds up taking the rap for not only the two guys I plugged but some broad that was killed before I ever got that gun!  Small world, huh? 


Deathstroke the Terminator:  Certainly I would take the gun to hide.  In my line of work what we call “experienced firearms” are always welcome.  Depending on the type of gun I would either sell it to underworld contacts or file down the serial numbers and reconfigure the rifling before adding it to my personal arsenal.  Though I am rather particular about the guns I use myself, so it will likely be the former.  A few days later I will naturally have to track him down and kill him.  No loose ends as we say in the business.


Arcade:  Naturally I would be only to happy to hide the gun.  And I would hide it very well.  Deep in the bowels of an abandoned warehouse that I have refit with elaborate death traps like animatronic Foreign Legionnaires armed with long rifles, a breakaway bridge over a snake pit, and an oversized version of Whack-a-Mole.  Convincing me to hide the gun is no problem at all, getting it back will be quite another matter!


KGBeast: I would take the gun and hide it for him.*


Kraven the Hunter:  I would refuse and send him on his way with a strict rebuke!  How dare he deign to assume that Kraven the Hunter would hide a handgun for him!  A HANDGUN!  Everyone knows of my disdain for those pathetic weapons.  Now a rifle, that is a whole different story.   A rifle is a man’s gun!  From the Browning A-Bolt to the Ruger M77 these are the guns of choice for a true hunter.  Take the .300 Winchester Magnum (with a Nikon Buckmaster 4.5-14x40 scope) for example.  Ideal for hunting zebra, red hartebeest, or caribou.  It is also highly prized (by me) for hunting Spider-Man.


Gizmo:  I would only be willing to hide a gun for a friend if he did not actually ever want it back.  Certain guns make ideal templates upon which to build more elaborate, and indeed useful, weapons.  By reconfiguring a revolver to accommodate miniaturized kinetic energy accelerators of my own design and adding an amplification matrix to the muzzle I can create a single-shot force ray useful for blasting holes in bank vaults.  Certain types of automatic pistols are useful in creating sonic resonance field generators that can counteract Cyborg’s white sound laser.  I hate that guy and his gadgets!


*KGBeast (continued):  What?  No, there’s really no more to it.  I have many places to hide a gun, no one would ever find it.  I’m KGB, hiding a gun for a friend is elementary stuff!  A new recruit could do it.  Why do you insist on long, drawn-out explanations?

Half-Ass Roundtable II - What the Hell Happened to My Villains?!

Greetings JediCole Universe followers!  We have convened a second Half-Ass Roundtable!  And it's about damn time!  This outing Stu, Andrew, and myself are joined by Rick (of the United States of Geekdom) yet again and Jim (of the Film Thugs Movie Show)!  The five of us are challenged with another topic that was a mystery until we began the show.  Did we sink or did we swim again?  Well there is one way to find out!
And like last time, I don't censor or reign in the hosts or guests.  There is some language that is not appropriate for the little ones and some of the concepts may be a bit shocking to some.  This is a damn good show and the most organic and off the cuff of any show I've been involved with.  If you pass this up for content you are missing something pretty spectacular! 

What Would Comic Book Villains Do? (WWCBVD?) Week 4

We can all pretty easily guess what a super hero would do in a situation where a strong moral code is essential.  But what about their polar opposites?  That is the purpose of this series of course.  So once again we pose a conundrum to a variety of super villains from the long history of comic books.

Scenario:   A car pulls up on a residential block with music blasting so loud that it can scarcely be distinguished as music.  The driver and passengers seem to have no regard for anyone on the block and loiter at the street with no apparent business other than to shatter the idyllic peace of the once quiet street.  What do you do?


Black Adam:  I would pick up the offending car and toss it fifty feet into the air.  Then I would fly over to catch it before it hit the ground and throw it again.  I would repeat this constantly until I managed to get them all the way to vast open fields or a trackless desert.  Then I would lower the car to the ground and, if the occupants survived the journey physically and mentally I would tell them, “Now you can turn it up as loud as you want!”


Anaconda: Me?  I would use my stretching arms and super strength to surround and crush the car and everyone in it!  I love crushing cars, especially with the radio blasting like that.  You get the great visuals of the body and frame crimping and bowing and the sound of the radio up to the point where it is rendered inoperable from the force of my constricting.


Circe: Well if they insist on acting like pigs I will do them a favor and turn them into pigs!  They won’t know what hit them!  One minute they are cruising around in their big fancy car, the next minute their hands are turning into hooves, their noses into snouts, and they are sprouting curly little tails.  I really love turning people into pigs.  I mean come on, I’ve been doing that for centuries!  It’s my thing!  Oh I know!  I’ve heard it time and time again…a good sorceress should be able to turn people into ostriches, trout, or even tarsiers.  Blah, blah, blah!  I just choose to specialize in pigs, okay?!


Asp: If there is one thing I can’t stand it is obnoxious people who play their music so loud that even they can’t hear any discernible lyrics.  Death Adder is like that, always playing his music to loud!  As if that wasn’t bad enough Cottonmouth and Rattler just egg him on!  So I would do like I do when the boys back at Society headquarters play their music too loud.  I would approach the occupants of the car and ask them politely to turn down their music and be respectful of others.  They would probably be dismissive of me and laugh just like the guys I work with.  In that case I will simply fall back on my usual Plan B and just zap the daylights out of them with my venom blast.  That usually does the trick!


Mirror Master: Music is not really my forte.  You might want to ask somebody like the Fiddler.  Now when it comes to light and reflections that is where I come in!  If they had a bunch of flashlights or something I would probably be able to come up with something cool to do.  Loud music really never bothered me that much.  To tell a bit of a secret I’m almost deaf.  Not that good hearing helps you when the Flash swoops in out of nowhere.  You barely have time to register the sonic boom before he has whisked you off to prison!  But I just got this really great idea about the question…I would make  a holographic mirror image of myself to go tell them to knock it off with the noise.  These types are usually pretty tough so if they try to threaten “me” I would make a whole bunch of duplicate images of myself appear.   I would make myself look as menacing as possible (not easy to do in green and orange) and tell them they had better get out of “our” side of town!

Constrictor: You know what the real question here is?  Why can I not get inducted into the Serpent Society?!  Come on!  I’m Constrictor!  My name invokes snakes as well as any of the rest of that lot.  I mean Princess Python got in!  What is that all about?  I guess I’m just the wrong gender.  They have a lot of guys and need more ladies to balance things out.  So that’s how it is!  They can keep their snobby society and their stupid quest for the Serpent Crown!  It’s not like they can split the damn thing between all 20 of them!  At least I got asked to participate in this installment.  Ha!  Take that Serpent Society!  What?  Anaconda AND Asp already gave their answers?!  Damn it! 

JediCole's Open Mic Night Episode 1: Adventures in Super-Collecting

Welcome to the launch of JediCole's Open Mic Night!  This is the second show in the upcoming JediCole Universe Podcasting Network.  On this show I will be engaging casual interviews that are intended to be more like conversations.  After this intial episode the show will feature two such interviews per episode. 

In the premiere episode I speak with Todd Carlton - Star Wars author and enthusiast, convention promoter, and a great friend of your's truly!  It was a great fun to talk with him to make the interview you are about to hear. 


On this episode I discover that I would not be publishing this show until a discount for preordering All-Con tickets would have expired.  So to save my bacon Todd arranged a special pre-order discount of $5.00 off the price of adult, child, or friend of the show tickets through August 31, 2011 if you use the code jedicole when ordering.  So if you want to buy your membership in advance then do it before August 31 and be sure to use the exclusive code for JediCole Universe and USG readers/listeners!  Visit All-Con's website to preorder your tickets today!

If you know anyone who is a figure in fandom who might make a great guest for this show, please drop me a line at the JediCole Universe email!

Star Wars: Return of the Justifications

Welcome to the first installment of Star Wars: Return of the Justifications!  So what exactly is this series all about?  Well several years ago I had the good fortune to be a part of a Star Wars-themed podcast called VaderCast.  It was my first experience in podcasting and in many ways influenced me to keep at it until I was even producing podcasts of my own.  Tim Kennedy, who founded VaderCast, thought highly enough of a peculiar habit of mine to justify elements of the Star Wars saga that were not adequately explored on screen to ask me to share some of them on episodes of the show.  Many were aired during teh show's run but some were recorded in "lost episodes" while still others had yet to be thought up by me.  In this series I will share all of the justifications I have come up with over the years.  Future articles will not have this much background information of course, so they will be more to the point.  


A Long Time Ago...

Back in the summer of 1977 I was going on 12 years old and had one of those life-defining moments.  I saw Star Wars for the first time!  From that moment forward I was fairly constantly thinking about the movie, its characters, and all that was presented in that fertile universe of George Lucas’ creation which had only just begun to be explored.  The depth of possibilities presented within each of the first three films gave my mind plenty to mull over during the years that followed each installment and preceded the prequels. 

When you think too much about the content of each film as I had done from the outset,  you find yourself seeking to reconcile some of the questions, problems, and little inconsistencies that can be found.  With three years between the original trilogy films there were bound to be aspects of the later plotlines that did not seem to jibe with what had come before.  Or things that did not, on the surface, make sense.  Without realizing it I had spent years trying to work out these cinematic puzzles but without ever seeking any answers.  That is until the day I expressed my thoughts on one sequence from Return of the Jedi to my friend Steve. 


I am speaking of the ground battle in Return of the Jedi (which had been described to us by a comic shop employee in 1983 as, “the battle of the Teddy bears vs. the Stermtroopers”) and specifically the Ewok war machine.  I have often referred to this as the “Swiss Family Robinson –style” ordinance that the fuzzy little denizens of Endor’s moon brought to bear when they joined the Rebel assault.  Perhaps because the Scout Walker fouling log roll reminded me so much of the similar use of felled trees in the aforementioned Walt Disney picture, the primitive heavy weaponry of the Ewoks always struck me as a bit silly.  To reconcile this in my mind I had always imagined that perhaps the Rebels helped the Ewoks in the construction of their various log traps.  Steve, however, had a better justification which would in turn set me on the path of justifying all such curiosities within the Star Wars Saga.


Before I share his justification, the only one in this series for which I cannot take personal credit, I want to say that every one that follows this one as the series progresses was inspired by the first.  Prior to this I had never considered trying to work out a logical explanation for some aspects of the films that beg for such explanations.  Steve, inadvertently, challenged me to explore the minutia of the Star Wars saga and provide fill in any blanks I found.  And now, the one that started it all (with a little further extrapolation on my part)…

Short Help is Better Than No Help at All

The various log traps, catapults, and other simple technologies that the Ewok tribe brought to bear when aiding the Rebellion were not something new to them, or indeed the Imperial occupation force.  By the time Luke, Leia, Han, and company arrived on the moon’s surface the Empire had established a growing presence in the forest.  It is not much of a stretch to imagine that an initial landing team had broken ground on the shield generator and landing platform some years earlier.  During those years the presence of Stormtroopers, engineers, technicians, and heavy equipment would not have escaped the attention of the nearby village of Ewoks.  Nor would it have failed to raise their collective ire!


Prior to the arrival of the Rebel detachment the Ewoks would have waged a fruitless guerilla war against the superior forces of the Empire.  At first an annoyance, the conflict would undoubtedly have escalated over time.  Initially the primitive Ewoks would have served to monkey wrench the construction phase of the operation by stealing or destroying equipment and supplies.  When troops were brought in to guard the facilities the occasional soldier would have fallen to an Ewok assault, though the impact would be minimal. 

Swiss Family Romba 

To stave off such attacks it would become necessary for the Imperial garrison to dispatch Biker Scouts to patrol their territorial holdings.  An AT-AT and several AT-ST walkers were also deployed to illustrate the technological superiority of the invaders.  Such actions would have been interpreted by the local villagers as a prelude to a further encroachment into their lands and the potential destruction of their arboreal homesteads.  Traps and destructive weaponry was then quietly built and amassed in the perimeters of their remaining territory.  This would have been a defensive move on the part of the Ewoks as the Empire would have long since shown them the futility of offensive measures.  Should the enemy forces threaten the village itself, at least their advance could be slowed considerably buying time for evacuation.


Once the Ewoks began to keep to themselves the Imperial Forces would have been content to let the savages remain undisturbed.  The moon of Endor served but one strategic purpose, a remote location to house the shield generator protecting the building and deployment of Death Stars.  There was no need to wrest control of the balance of the hemisphere, all that was needed for the business at hand had been achieved.  The indigenous population, posing no real threat to operations, could then simply be ignored.  There were certainly more pressing matters to attend to above the moon.  This would have left the garrison commander a bit confused when troops began to be massed at the base, but this action was likely dismissed at a precursor to the completion of the Death Star.  Like its predecessor it would be home to thousands of troops, officers, technicians, and other personnel once operational. 



Humans Ain't So Bad

Then came the Rebel assault team!  Their intelligence of the Imperial base extended only as far as its location and purpose.  No one would have thought to explore the contingency of an indigenous population or the possibility of recruiting them to the cause of eliminating the latest terror weapon in the Imperial arsenal.  The command team’s unexpected capture by the Ewoks was a happy accident for both parties.  The Rebels gained native guides to aid their attack strategy as well as bolster their forces when they were confronted with a larger troop presence than expected.  The disadvantages of the Ewoks’ defensive measures were greatly offset by the laser weaponry and tactical expertise of their new allies.  And undoubtedly their resolve to join the conflict was enhanced by the presence of a manifestation of their deity.

So the wood-based weaponry that was instrumental in the downfall of the Galactic Empire had long been in place long before it was utilized to its full effect.  What seemed to the Imperial commanders as little more than the posturing of primitives would usher in their doom.  Albeit with considerable assistance from human allies and not without losses of their own. 

With all of that in mind the more curious aspect of the Battle of Endor makes considerably more sense to me.  Check back soon for the next installment of Return of the Justifications in which I take an in-depth look at a particular lightsaber.

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